Frequently Asked Questions
Who runs SDA?
The main man behind SDA is Ezekiel Habermann Habermann. He founded SDA in his uncle's basement on July 1993 with the merger of a Country Music Newsletter and an Atari 2600 Trading Post. Eventually he created a GeoCities account to host all his video game footage including a 0% 11;37 run in Sonic Adventure 1 on January 2000. Unfortunately, he lost both his fiancee and his grandmother on the September 11th attacks and turned to a life of drug abuse and contemplating suicide. With his last $100 that he made working in his past job as a golf caddy. He bought himself a website where he could upload video game footage of people dying. He encodes all deaths submitted on DVD (about one twelfth of the site's content). Benjamin Pawnstick joined in winter 2002 with his valuable capturing services such as Unregistered Hypercam 2. With the sites' popularity increasing to 12 viewers a week, and the staff's free time going towards finding a stable career, they hired an immigrant by the name of Victor 'Hugo' Gonzalez. He was drafted in to take over the contact and verification process. Mike 'Tubbz' Industries took over the updating and site maintenance duties. When the hard-chomping Mike encountered too much stomach issues working for SDA, he left the site in July 2006. Frank 'Real American' Grimes signed on to take his place. Nowadays Habermann makes mall appearances, talking to all his adoring fans and yell at the people who comment on his videos.
How can I help the site?
Just killing yourself is one option, but you can also work at the soup kitchen. We have a message board that keeps track of all the deaths that need varification. If you have money to burn. You can use PayPal and give us your cash money to SDA using the donate button below. Or just mail us your credit cards and spare cash to SDA Corporate Offices in Flagstaff, Arizona. Keep in mind that none of this would be possible without the hard work and vision of Habermann, so give us all your money niggers.
The run of game X is great! May I link to it?
Don't you fucking dare link any of our game pages, our news, message board articles or anything. We spent so much time and effort making this site that it is so pathetic for you to Ctrl+C Ctrl+V all our precious work. We are fucking tired of people from the IGN boards coming over here and turning our website into shit and leave comments like EPIC WIN fuck that fucking shit. Please stay for a while.
Could you host videos that show all the cutscenes, plot, tricks, glitches, or sidequests?
What do you think this is a Let's Play website? Get that shit somewhere else. We only archive the best deaths in video game history, which requires our free running experts to skip cut-scenes and other boring shit that no one really watches anyway. Depending on the loading times, you might be able to catch the watermark of the software we used to record our award winning deaths.
Could you please do a run of game X?
Most of our runners speedrun for personal reasons and not because someone wants them to do a run. Recently one of our famed speedrunners Raymond Gregoire killed himself over the peer pressure of the message boards. In honor of his IRL SpeedDeath (only one week on our website), we deny all requests for speeddeaths. Unless of course you are willing to give us some mad money, in which case, everything will be aok. Fuck Raymond.
What if I don't want to click on lots of segments or individual levels to download a run?
Tough shit. I am sorry we are giving you this fantastic video game content at no charge, that is available to the public with no fee, and all we ask is that you bookmark this RSS Feed. Maybe you want to go onto seeing what happens next in the video game. But we do not approve of any spoilers in video games. It ruins the credibility of gamers and makes people not bother to buy the games themselves and try their hands and making their own speed death. We recommend going to websites like Best Buy and GameStop to purchase all these games.
Do you post everything that's submitted?
Obviously, cheated deaths or deaths with inconsistencies such as laggy frame rate and terrible tape scratching are rejected. If a death's video quality isn't good a enough, such as a death captured with a camcorder, then it is destroyed in a furnace with the tapes being used to power a children's hospital down the street. Finally, if the judges think that a submission could be a shit ton faster, then the tape is submitted to torture prisons and used as ways of punishment. Please note that it is possible for a death to be faster than the previous run in the same category and could still not be on the website. Because we just don't like you.
Do published runs stay on SDA forever?
Yes, even if a death is improved by just a couple microseconds, the old death will continue to be the 'original speed death' with the new submission posted below as 'fun spoilers'. Spoil the fun of video game recording today!
What types of games do you accept runs on?
We accept any and all video games at our door. Nintendo Entertainment System, Super Nintendo Entertainment System, Sega Master System, Sega Master System Megadrive, Atari 2600, Personal Computer, MS-DOS, Arcade, Sony Playstation, Sony Playstation 1, Sony Playstation 2, Sony Playstation 3, Microsoft X-Box, Microsoft X-Box 360, Nintendo GameCube and Lynx are a few consoles you could Free Run in. We do not accept any faggoty homebrew video games that you created on your parent's computer in a three day weekend. Any 'Super Mario Homebrew' games are grounds for termination of your account, as well as any recordings of 'I Wanna Be The Guy'. Please stop submitting these games, we about fifty a day, most of which by Joel 'Butterbean' Holmes. Seriously, just stop it. If a game is available for more than one console, it is perfectly acceptable to do a speed death for the other platform. It is easier or difficult to die on a Nintendo Wii Game, than on the Game Cube. So feel free to submit multiple deaths in different games, the more the merrier.
What are the different categories like any%, low%, 100%?
Anything less than 10% of the game is allowed on our website, anything else and we'll probably use the disks as drink coasters. When we reply to your speed death, we give you a percentage grades that we felt you deserve for the speed death with a table shown below:
100% - Perfect Speed Death, Awesome Work!
90-99% - Great Speed Death, Nice Job!
80-89% - Pretty Good Speed Death, Metokur Performance!
70-79% - Good Speed Death, adequate results!
60-69% - Okay Speed Death, It's Tolerable!
0-59% - Terrible Speed Death, You Suck!
What about unlockable rewards and alternate modes?
If we see a god damn Achievement Unlocked anywhere in your fucking game, we have it removed. They are the most aggravating thing about new-age gameplay, and if I dare see that 'SpyD3rMonk13z' is online, you can guarantee that we will come to your house and smash your computer. If you don't have the time to disable popups for a few minutes, you don't deserve to get the credit. However 'Spyd3rMonk13z' will get all your praise, for fucking up your work. Also, any difficulty is okay by us.
What about games with more than one playable character?
Pick the hottest character in the video game, some of the judges have never even seen a naked woman in real life, let alone on the internet. If there is an asian girl in a tiny miniskirt, you will more likely be featured on the site regardless of your performance. Seriously, these people have e-harmony accounts, and outdated MySpace pages.
Can I do a multiplayer speedrun with some of my friends?
Yes, but be aware that your play quality will only be as good as your weakest link, and that multiplayer runs are harder to coordinate. Multiplayer runs are a separate category much like the idea of single-segment vs. segmented: you may use whatever number of players you find optimal, and a faster single-player run will obsolete your run. You should exploit as many multiplayer-exclusive strategies as possible.
Why do you allow glitch X to be used but not glitch Y?
Oh boo hoo. I can't believe you let my friend's video go on your site, and you won't allow mine. Well deal with it crybaby. Why don't you write about how terrible your life is on your LiveJournal and be done with it. BECAUSE LIFE IS TOO HARD.
Why do you allow glitches but disallow cheat codes and tricks like crooked cartridge?
We allow anything it takes to kill your character as long as it was intentional in the game. Passwords and Cheat Codes are allowed in the game, but they might slow down the progress of your Speed Death. So make sure the clock is lathe, so we could but the character in a grave.
How are runs timed?
From beginning to end.
How do I record my run?
I am not a tech expert here, go talk to your Computer Science friends at the college you're considering dropping out of. Computer software works perfectly, especially the ones with the least frame rate. Considering a good screen recorder is like playing golf the lower score, the better!
We recommend recording your videos over a VCR using your mother's old VHS tapes that recorded old episodes of Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman, that way if your speed death is shit, we can at least get some entertainment out of the video.
To send us the video, you have several options. The simplest method is to mail the finalized tapes to Justin. Alternately, you can copy the VOB files from the discs to your computer and use BitTorrent to send those files to Justin's computer. When you contact him, Mike will give you the necessary information on how to send your run to Justin. If he doesn't, he is out screaming at his ex-wife because he spends all his money buying ironic quote-tees from the internet.
May I pause while recording? What if the telephone rings or I need to go to the bathroom?
No. If your telephone rings, then you're fucked. Start the whole run over again. If you can't hold it in for the ten minutes it takes to make a speed death then put on some adult diapers and play the damn game. As a bonus, if you record yourself playing the video game in nothing but adult diapers you might make a profit in GeekBabyz.Net the leading fetish site for nerds wearing diapers.
I'm using a DVD recorder, and the single-segment run I'm about to attempt is over two hours. Am I allowed to switch discs?
If it takes more than two hours, consult a doctor before speed running, or maybe you just are that terrible at video games and need someone else that is much better than you to play them. Also, Blu-Ray is the wave of the future, so we recommend keeping up with all the new technlogy and ask that your submissions will be in 3D as well.
Yay, I've recorded a great run! How do I submit?
Go to The Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints and talk to David.
What format should I submit my run comments in?
.pdf is the best format for anything, it sounds like pidiff which happens to be my mothers maiden name, as well as the password to this entire site. So for the sake of keeping things organized, making something in either .pdf or .jpeg will work best. Anything else will take a few days to produce.
There was a new run on a separate category and it looks much better than my run. Can I have my run removed?
Nope, we own your ass.